Forest / Trees

by Long Neck

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You are the name I don't want to know. You are the tree I don't want to grow. I move to refuse, but I'm asking for more. Never on the bed, always on the floor. Catching your breath in the net in my lungs. Spreading infections to target the young. Drank just a little bit, there was nothing to do. Flat on my back, thinking of you, and I can't get up.
I've got big arms. They used to hold you. But not anymore I've got big feet. They used to walk to your house. But not anymore. I've got a big mouth. It used to say things I don't mean anymore. Stagnant and shrinking and mind overthinking How long have I not been breathing? You, you were just there. I blinked, that's all, I swear What am I supposed to be dealing with? I've got big ankles. They click about as I walk away. I've got big eyes. They used to look in a mirror just so I could say: "These are angles sorely lacking and a smile that needs cracking. This body needs some tacking and this brain needs some racking." Stagnant and shrinking and mind overthinking How long have you not been breathing? Your shadow stops following, you find yourself bawling and hoping that he starts calling soon. I've got big arms. They used to hold on but not anymore.
I know you don't miss me as much as I thought, but it's ok, it's getting better. You felt the city, you felt the miles. You never returned my letter. We don't talk much any more and some days it just kills me. I feel every arrow to never hit it's mark. I stay up late and hold on to the dark. I curl up to feel small. But it's ok, I'm doing fine. You don't need to worry like you do. Wish you could understand me in perfect clarity, understand why I was furious then crying over you. I know you don't miss me as much as I miss you. But I still wish that we could talk, stay up late like we do and try not to wake our parents up. I feel the miles, I rewrite my letters. I'd send more if I thought you would respond. You could be so much better than you are.
The wine in my belly has stopped being so mean You have the kindest face I have ever seen Let me hold it in my hands, keep it in my grasp I need something glimmering, something that could last But there's a gnawing at my heel and a tugging on my sleeve I'm choking on words I was set to believe in This is madness, this is cruelty, this is fucking messed up How I can't ask for help and swear it's enough I can't ask for help, I swear it's enough That kind face of yours is smiling, I know it's all sincere You don't know how happy I am to be with you here Tomorrow, I'll wear something with pockets, so I can stuff them with words I refuse to say Like "You're everything I want and I hate the way you know I need you more than ever. Can we hang out in your home? You make me want to scream the ribs out of my skin, I'll hang on to you like I hang on to them" And there's that gnawing and tugging at my heel and sleeve again What I need now is a really good friend But I hide my hunger, I'm ashamed of all my food I feed on how much I want you Feed and keep feeding on how much I want you For now, where I'm standing is where I should be With you standing tall, keeping an eye on me I'm sorry for the burden, to make you so bereft of space, but you're still here, you haven't left You're still here


Just some lil' demos.

"Can't See The Forest Through The Trees" was recorded in the living room of my old house.

"Ludlow" was recorded during a rainstorm in upstate NY, with vocals done in a biology lab when no one was around.

"Big Arms" and "Hunger" were recorded in my room at school (sorry, neighbors).

Best listened to with headphones.


released November 19, 2014

All songs and music written and performed by me.


all rights reserved



Long Neck Jersey City, New Jersey

Long Neck is Lily Mastrodimos. This is some of her music. She hopes you enjoy it.

Have a great day.

Lily: guitar, vox (she/her)
Evan: guitar (they/them)
Alex: bass, vox (he/him)
John: drums (he/him)


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